| Location | Portsmouth |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Premature Birth |
| Date of Birth | 04/11/2008 |
| Date of Death | 04/11/2008 |
| Visitors | 2,097 since 21/12/2008 |
| Creator |
Sophie, Our little Angel
I hadn't been feeling well on the Monday, I'd told Stephen when he arrived home from work. He offered to take me to Blake, but I sat on my pc chair and checked the internet for my symptoms. And it said that it could either be braxton hip contractions, or the baby sitting in a odd position, or my body stretching for her.
Considering I wasn't big, I thought it was the last. And it wasn't that bad at the time, so I didnt want to worry anyone or make a big deal over something that didn't feel that bad. It wasn't until monday night when Stephen was asleep that I started worrying, as Sophie hadn't moved much during the day. And shes a right wiggler, but since we'd already had a scare with her not moving, and she was fine at that time I just thought it was another time when she felt lazy.
I lay awake with the my stomach ache, and I poked my belly to make her kick me. But she didn't. I didn't want to wake Stephen up, as I had been waking him up a lot, with Sophie kicking me and me wanting him to feel it. And he had been really tired because of it. So I thought I'd let him sleep.
Well the pains got worse, by the third bathroom trip I was positive it was a UTI. So I thought I'd get up early in the morning and go to the doctors for drugs! about 4am the pains were really bad and they were coming and going. I had no idea I was in labour, I hadn't gotten that far in my pregnancy book. I was only 23 weeks and 6 days. I was more looking forward to the 24 week, when I could read "Dear Zoo" to Sophie while she was snug an warm in my belly.
Stephen woke up, and rushed for his mum. Who told him to take me to Blake (Blakes a birth centre) So off we went. I could tell poor Stephen was worried, and I remember feeling guilty as I felt positive they were going to say I was over reacting and its a UTI. But at Blake they checked to see if I was bleeding, but I wasn't. I remember Jackie (midwife) putting one of those cheap pads in to my nickers, the ones you used to be able to get from a chemist for like 30p or something. But the pains were bad I didn't wonder why she'd done that.
I remember feeling faint and hot. So I had to lie on the floor, the pains were pretty bad by this point. I honestly started thinking I had a kidney infecion or something worse than a UTI. The people at Blake had rung for an abulance which came fast, and the lady was shocked they hadn't given me gas&air. I thoght it was Craaaazy giving someone with a UTI gas&air. But I didnt question, I just took it! I remember Stephen several times trying to tell me I'm using it wrong, that I should keep it in my mouth an breath in and out of it, rather than what i was doing. Breating it in, then taking it away to puff out.
The abulance ride was pretty bumpy, but one of the midwives from Blake came with us, Michelle. Who was from Warrington like I was! I felt more relaxed with the both of them chatting to me. But I was really worried about Stephen, as I knew he'd be worring his pants of about me. So I did keep looking up at him to make sure he was ok. The abulance lady asked me if the gas was working for me, and I said "I don't think so" but later on I realised the gas really did work as when they took it of me to move me I freaked out screaming I needed it, and another time when it stopped working. I was panicing, and there telling me to breath in to it. and I'm telling them in a loud voice that it really wasn't working.
At the hospital they soon realised I was in labour and gave me tablets to try and stop it. But they didn't work in the end. They did a scan to see where she was, and she was feet first. Her heart was beating, and her feet were kicking away. And I remember watching her kicking me, and feeling that very last kick she gave me. They also told me my options, a C-section or a normal birth. They explained because I didnt have a bump I'd have to have a different type of C-section. Which at my age could cause massive bleeding, and there might be a need for a hysterectomy so I decided for the normal birth.
I was pretty proud of myself up till my waters broke, as I was calm and didnt panic to much when I had a working Gas&air. But when I was in the labour room, with 5 members of staff waiting for my Angel. And about 4 other people for me and more popping in and out. Plus at 7am when the shifts changed and more people were there. I swear at least 12 people were in my room when my legs were in the air. But like everyone says, you just don't care when your in labour. And I didn't care at all. Even invited Stephens mum Karen in to watch as well. (To support Stephen really) The only part of this story that I do like is that when I was flat on my back and my waters broke. They shot across the room, and a member of staff had to jump out the way of it.
Well, at 9:04 Sophie Alice came out, the cord was wrapped around her neck twice tight I read in my notes. I remember seeing her on the bed between my legs, and not moving. I just kept praying she was ok. She had turned during the labour, and came out back first. But they took her away across the room to check her.
After about 5-10 mins they brought her back, and told me Her heart only beated 15-20 beats a minute,they tried putting a tube down her throat to give her oxygen and other things. But because of the damage it could do to her in the long run, they couldn't do anymore.
So Stephen and I held her, for the rest of the day. Sophie's heart stopped beating at 12:04, during the examination a doctor was doing on her while I held her.
We decided to bury her, as they explained there may not be any ashes left to bury if we cremated her. The thought upset me, thinking they'd be nothing left of my little Sophie :(
We bought a cute little white and pink outfit with a bunny on it for her to be buried in. And wrapped her in the Winnie the pooh blanket my friend Becky bought me before I moved. I also put in the little teddy/comforter blanket that Tina gave me. And one of the rattles that Becky gave me, and the other rattle in the set we took the keys of and put one in the coffin, and Stephen and I each have on on our keyrings. We also put the letter my God mother Coreane wrote for her, and the necklace she bought for us. Two part necklace "Daughter" and "Mum" I put the "Daughter" part on Sophie. And I wear the other half every day. Also a picture of Stephen and I.
She was everything I wanted, She looked just like Stephen. Gingery/blonde eyelashes, and eyebrows. Perfectly long fingers, I always wanted her to play the piano. Long lovely legs. She was perfect. She IS perfect. She was our little baby. She will always be our little Sophie Alice.
Sophie may have only been here for 3 hours, but she'll remain forever in our hearts. Of her family, and all mine and Stephen's friends that loved her.
Im your mummys new friend because of you x
Hello sweetheart
I am a new friend of your mummy because of you I lost my little boy Toby and he is with you in heaven I hope you can find him.
Your Mummy talks about you all the time I see her you havent been forgotten and are very much still loved. Your little brother Ben is beautiful as I am sure you know when you look down from heaven.
God bless you Sophie xxxx
♥ God needed a special angel,
which you were chosen to be,
he put your tiny wings on
and set your spirit free ♥
Miss you today. Seems stupid writing on here, but I've kind of given up on God. So praying gone down the toilet. I love you, and I miss you so much. Wish you were here with us all, causing trouble with your little brother. Bens going to be so proud to have a big sister as brave as you are.
I wish we could go back, I wish I argued more with the stupid doctors. I wish I forced them to get rid of the UTI's so you'd still be here. But I want ben as well. I wish you were both here with me. I miss you =(
Tiny Angel - by Amone Hodgon
Tiny Angel rest your wings
Sit with me awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook her head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
Amone Hodgson
A Birthday In Heaven - by Kris Smith
I heard you crying yesterday,
And felt your heart-sent love.
So I’m sending you this message
Now, from Heaven up above.
You’re wondering if I’ll celebrate
My Birthday (way up here).
I know you’re missing me today
I feel your essence near.
God planned a special day for me,
He told me with a wink.
He’d ordered me a special cake
(It’s Angel food, I think).
Balloons will fill the streets for me,
They float up through the clouds.
And we have lots of friends up here
That make us laugh out loud.
There is a Birthday carousel,
Jewelled horses ride the wind,
With music playing, oh so sweet…
The magic never ends.
I’ve made so many friends, you see
We laugh and play and sing.
We ride our bikes and play the fool
And sleep in Angel’s wings.
But we don’t blow out our candles here
Instead, they light the skies.
With love from your little Angel xxx
To The Child I'll Never Know - by Gloria Dianne
How can I say Good Bye
When I never said Hello,
Why does my heart grieve
For the child I'll never know?
You were a part of me
For just a little while.
I grieve because I'll never see
The magic in your smile.
I grieve for all the unsaid words
That you will never say.
I grieve that I will never see
You happily at play.
I grieve for all the lullabies
That will remain unsung.
I grieve because I'll never see
Your face gleaming like the sun.
I grieve because you will never know
The comfort of my touch.
I grieve because you will never know
That you were loved so much.
I grieve for all the tomorrows
That will never be.
I grieve because God chose
To take you back from me.
You live among the Angels now
Your earthly mission done,
You will be so dearly missed
Good-Bye my little one.
X X
♥ღ♥ I Believe ♥ღ♥
I believe that the sun shines after the rain
I believe if you don't get hurt you'll never gain
I believe in not doing things the easy way
I believe that being selfish doesn’t pay
♥ღ♥
I believe in a second chance
I believe in a life long romance
I believe there is life after death
And standing up to a life of mess
♥ღ♥
I believe in love at first sight
I believe that revenge isn’t right
I believe that first impressions last
And there is nothing better then a good laugh
♥ღ♥
I believe that dreams do come true
I believe there's destiny for me and you
I believe that good things come to those who wait
I believe love never arrives too late
♥ღ♥
I believe something good comes from something bad
I believe that for tears of happiness there are tears of sad
I believe everyone has a guardian angel
And the good you do will be rewarded well
♥ღ♥
I believe sometimes there is no explanation
I believe money can't buy people's affection
I believe you don't know what you've got until it's gone
I believe a new day arrives with every dawn
♥ღ♥
I believe a smile can be contagious
I believe in being very outrageous
I believe in living with no regrets
I believe that life is as good as it gets
♥ღ♥
I believe that God watches over us
I believe the little things are worth the fuss
I believe you have each friend for a reason
I believe you will get punished for treason
♥ღ♥
I believe that what comes first is family
I believe we should all live in harmony
I believe in making the most of a beautiful day
And it's not the end until everything's okay
♥ღ♥
I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder
I believe you will lose if you sit and wonder
I believe every experience teaches you a lesson
And nothing cures better then a drinking session
♥ღ♥
I believe everyone has one true love
I believe sometimes we need a little shove
I believe the whole world is a stage
I believe we only get better with age
♥ღ♥
I believe that to learn you have to live
I believe that to love someone you have to give
I believe one moment can change your life
And there's still help when you’re in strife
♥ღ♥
I believe everyone has one true friend
I believe love helps a broken heart mend
I believe in the power of a song
And things will change before too long
♥ღ♥
I believe living is the best experience
I believe in not laughing at other people’s expense
I believe it’s hard to watch a lover leave
And when they’re gone all you can do is breath
♥ღ♥
I believe to always look on the bright side
I believe that life is just one big ride
I believe when I die people will grieve
But it’s ok because I believe…
Unknown
Ask my mum how she is...
My Mum she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before,
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mum how she is,
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie,
Because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mum How she is,
She'll say 'I'm alright'
If that's the truth, then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well,
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mum how she is,
'I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping'
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine,
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
I am here in Heaven,
I cannot hug from here,
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold,
I'll say 'You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!'
christmas angel
When we think of the Christmas angel
On top of the Christmas tree
She has pride of place
For all below to see.
When we think of the Christmas angel
The messenger of the Lord
He is so important in the Christmas story
Bringing God's Holy word.
When we think of the Christmas angel
We think of our child so dear
Mummy and Daddy miss you so much
Especially at this time of year.
When we think of our Christmas angel
We hope and we pray
That you know how much we think of you
And love you every day
Merry Christmas little oneXXXXX
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