Sophie Alice

Sophie, Our little Angel


I hadn't been feeling well on the Monday, I'd told Stephen when he arrived home from work. He offered to take me to Blake, but I sat on my pc chair and checked the internet for my symptoms. And it said that it could either be braxton hip contractions, or the baby sitting in a odd position, or my body stretching for her.
Considering I wasn't big, I thought it was the last. And it wasn't that bad at the time, so I didnt want to worry anyone or make a big deal over something that didn't feel that bad. It wasn't until monday night when Stephen was asleep that I started worrying, as Sophie hadn't moved much during the day. And shes a right wiggler, but since we'd already had a scare with her not moving, and she was fine at that time I just thought it was another time when she felt lazy.
I lay awake with the my stomach ache, and I poked my belly to make her kick me. But she didn't. I didn't want to wake Stephen up, as I had been waking him up a lot, with Sophie kicking me and me wanting him to feel it. And he had been really tired because of it. So I thought I'd let him sleep.
Well the pains got worse, by the third bathroom trip I was positive it was a UTI. So I thought I'd get up early in the morning and go to the doctors for drugs! about 4am the pains were really bad and they were coming and going. I had no idea I was in labour, I hadn't gotten that far in my pregnancy book. I was only 23 weeks and 6 days. I was more looking forward to the 24 week, when I could read "Dear Zoo" to Sophie while she was snug an warm in my belly.
Stephen woke up, and rushed for his mum. Who told him to take me to Blake (Blakes a birth centre) So off we went. I could tell poor Stephen was worried, and I remember feeling guilty as I felt positive they were going to say I was over reacting and its a UTI. But at Blake they checked to see if I was bleeding, but I wasn't. I remember Jackie (midwife) putting one of those cheap pads in to my nickers, the ones you used to be able to get from a chemist for like 30p or something. But the pains were bad I didn't wonder why she'd done that.
I remember feeling faint and hot. So I had to lie on the floor, the pains were pretty bad by this point. I honestly started thinking I had a kidney infecion or something worse than a UTI. The people at Blake had rung for an abulance which came fast, and the lady was shocked they hadn't given me gas&air. I thoght it was Craaaazy giving someone with a UTI gas&air. But I didnt question, I just took it! I remember Stephen several times trying to tell me I'm using it wrong, that I should keep it in my mouth an breath in and out of it, rather than what i was doing. Breating it in, then taking it away to puff out.
The abulance ride was pretty bumpy, but one of the midwives from Blake came with us, Michelle. Who was from Warrington like I was! I felt more relaxed with the both of them chatting to me. But I was really worried about Stephen, as I knew he'd be worring his pants of about me. So I did keep looking up at him to make sure he was ok. The abulance lady asked me if the gas was working for me, and I said "I don't think so" but later on I realised the gas really did work as when they took it of me to move me I freaked out screaming I needed it, and another time when it stopped working. I was panicing, and there telling me to breath in to it. and I'm telling them in a loud voice that it really wasn't working.
At the hospital they soon realised I was in labour and gave me tablets to try and stop it. But they didn't work in the end. They did a scan to see where she was, and she was feet first. Her heart was beating, and her feet were kicking away. And I remember watching her kicking me, and feeling that very last kick she gave me. They also told me my options, a C-section or a normal birth. They explained because I didnt have a bump I'd have to have a different type of C-section. Which at my age could cause massive bleeding, and there might be a need for a hysterectomy so I decided for the normal birth.
I was pretty proud of myself up till my waters broke, as I was calm and didnt panic to much when I had a working Gas&air. But when I was in the labour room, with 5 members of staff waiting for my Angel. And about 4 other people for me and more popping in and out. Plus at 7am when the shifts changed and more people were there. I swear at least 12 people were in my room when my legs were in the air. But like everyone says, you just don't care when your in labour. And I didn't care at all. Even invited Stephens mum Karen in to watch as well. (To support Stephen really) The only part of this story that I do like is that when I was flat on my back and my waters broke. They shot across the room, and a member of staff had to jump out the way of it.
Well, at 9:04 Sophie Alice came out, the cord was wrapped around her neck twice tight I read in my notes. I remember seeing her on the bed between my legs, and not moving. I just kept praying she was ok. She had turned during the labour, and came out back first. But they took her away across the room to check her.
After about 5-10 mins they brought her back, and told me Her heart only beated 15-20 beats a minute,they tried putting a tube down her throat to give her oxygen and other things. But because of the damage it could do to her in the long run, they couldn't do anymore.
So Stephen and I held her, for the rest of the day. Sophie's heart stopped beating at 12:04, during the examination a doctor was doing on her while I held her.
We decided to bury her, as they explained there may not be any ashes left to bury if we cremated her. The thought upset me, thinking they'd be nothing left of my little Sophie :(

We bought a cute little white and pink outfit with a bunny on it for her to be buried in. And wrapped her in the Winnie the pooh blanket my friend Becky bought me before I moved. I also put in the little teddy/comforter blanket that Tina gave me. And one of the rattles that Becky gave me, and the other rattle in the set we took the keys of and put one in the coffin, and Stephen and I each have on on our keyrings. We also put the letter my God mother Coreane wrote for her, and the necklace she bought for us. Two part necklace "Daughter" and "Mum" I put the "Daughter" part on Sophie. And I wear the other half every day. Also a picture of Stephen and I.

She was everything I wanted, She looked just like Stephen. Gingery/blonde eyelashes, and eyebrows. Perfectly long fingers, I always wanted her to play the piano. Long lovely legs. She was perfect. She IS perfect. She was our little baby. She will always be our little Sophie Alice.
Sophie may have only been here for 3 hours, but she'll remain forever in our hearts. Of her family, and all mine and Stephen's friends that loved her.